On Fatherhood & Paternal Bond – In Lounge with My Dearest Father

Those who have known me must have known it too that I think the world of my father. He has always been my ideal, my mentor, my advisor, & my counselor. Looking up at him has always left me comforted that I’ve someone by my side be it rain or shine. I’ve always loved when it was said that I resemble him a lot, & I’ve always loved it whenever he felt a sense of pride & accomplishment in me.
Today on Father’s Day, I felt that there would be nothing better than interviewing my dearest father & hear from him his thoughts about fatherhood and paternal bonds. So, without any further delay, I’d introduce to you my greatest inspiration of all time, the wind beneath my wings, my dearest father, Colonel ^(R) Amir Hamza.

Thank you so much Papa for allowing me to feature you in my article today. A happy Father’s Day to you! How are you & how are things with you presently? How has this COVID-19 situation been to you?

Him: Thank you. Alhamdulillah! In high spirits; healthy & hearty presently, doing things myself, attending my job & very much satisfied with life. Yes, I with my wife & family were lucky enough to have not contracted the disease by His grace. Allah has been, no doubt, very kind to us all. Now we’re vaccinated & looking forward to better times in terms of this pandemic.

I: As this interview is in context to Father’s Day, I’d like you to tell us that how you saw your relation with your father? Any memory with him that you still remember or cherish?

Him: I remember my relation with my father as cordial & as friendly as possible. I had a straightforward nature & germs of a hard worker – a trait my father liked the most. I remember him as a sympathetic & kind-hearted person who never hesitated to help the needy. He was very much goal-oriented & taught us the importance of perseverance throughout his life, which helped us remain focused on our goals in life & we tried to achieve them with the legacy he left us with.
One memory that predominantly comes to my mind is his encouragement in the face of failure & appreciation of my achievements. He was extremely proud of me when I was selected in the armed forces. I cherish that day till today – how happy he was when he received the news – that memory is etched so vividly in my mind.

I: What advice of him you still act upon?

Him: “Never Give in” & “Accept responsibility & challenge”. He instilled in us that with hard work, courage, positive thinking, & patience one can reach the sky.

I: You lost your father at an early age; how did you manage to cope up with the loss? How was it living without him because of what I’ve heard & from how much I’ve known you, you’ve been very close to him?

Him: No doubt, parting with my father was the most uncertain & difficult time of my life, I was in the Pakistan Military Academy when the news got to me, to be honest, I was in denial at first.
Looking back, I think it was my father’s grooming that helped me most cope with facing challenges with positive thinking & attitude. There I’d also mention that I was lucky enough to have the family support of an elder brother who looked after me just like my father. The nature of my job, I joined the institution that I was part of also created an environment that helped me cope & grow as an independent person

I: How do you see marriage as an ‘Institution’?

Him: Marriage gives you a sense of purpose & stability in life. It is one of the blessings of Allah Almighty. I think it helped, in acquiring a high state of maturity. I am blessed to have a quiet-natured, strong & supportive wife. She not only adjusted herself but is also credited for providing peace of mind & encouragement when needed.

I: How will you describe the feeling of holding your firstborn in your arms? How did you feel when you became a father for the first time?

Him: It was an unforgettable moment of my life. When my wife was expecting, I was very conscious of the pregnancy check-ups. I took her to the hospital that day, the Doctor revealed that it would be a C-Section, an episode of anxiety followed but 10 to 15 minutes later, the nurse brought me, my first-born. The feeling can’t be described, I was exhilarated. While I held my daughter in my arms for the first time, she was looking at me with her wide-open eyes. I looked back into them, they gave me so much serenity that I decided to name her “QuratulAin” – Ankhon ki Thandak (Joy/Beloved). [Read how I got named QuratulAin]

I: Did you ever come under the so-called “societal pressure” of being the father of only daughters & not a son?

Him: I do not believe in gender discrimination. I am blessed to have children irrespective of their gender, I believe in the decree of Allah. Unfortunately, there are still cultural strings that are attached to female childbirth in our part of the world, but I’m a proud father of three daughters, who are educated & have been groomed very well by my wife; who carry a positive thinking, & are a worthy contribution to the society.

I: Well to be honest I’ve never felt that our parents are displeased with us due to our gender, I & the rest of two were never brought under the slightest notion that we do not have a brother/brothers, we were always treated as a blessing & a being that completes, not leaves a void. I’d like to thank you here for not projecting this so-called societal pressure that could have harmed us three otherwise. How you managed not to let that thinking sink into our house?

Him: Trust & Faith in God, my conviction that my children are my bearing irrespective of their gender & they’ll become what I’ll make of them. No rule or law say only a male child can make a valuable addition to the world, does it? No, it doesn’t. Well, at least, I never believed & projected this thought. My bearing was my bearing, no one else should have been bothered about that nor did I give the right to anyone to be bothered about it. I’ve performed Hajj thrice & Umrahs multiple times, got several chances to touch Ghilaf e Kabaa (black brocade cloth that covers the Kabaa) for durations so long. I never complained, rather I thanked Him for what He has blessed me with, & always asked Him to bless me with what is best for me in the future too. I asked Him to make our offspring our strength, a source of comfort & happiness for us.
This gender discrimination was never a thing for me nor I let anybody have liberty with it. Thankfully our extended families from both sides never catered to gender-based discrimination as well & my girls were loved by all. I strived to make my girls genuine contributors to the society & I’m so proud of them. They are wonderful human beings, very humane & very sensitive. Sensitivity is a trait hard to find these days. I’m so content that I raised girls that are not insensitive.

I: I remember whenever you moved out of the town you asked if we needed anything from that particular place & always brought us whatever was asked. What made you go this way despite your busy schedule over there?

Him: To see my kids happy was the biggest desire of my life. I tried whatever was in my capacity to bring smiles on their faces.

I: What qualities or traits you looked for in the spouses for your daughters? Was bidding them farewell tough for you?

Him: Character, Faith & Education. He must be a God-oriented & a family-oriented person. However, it’s a very difficult decision & hard at the same time to let them go but again it’s a natural process. I wish “Godspeed” to all of them.

I: How did you look upon us three, did we meet your expectations or is there still more homework required, HEHE?

Him: HAHA! I am proud to see you all exulting in life. You all have achieved beyond my expectations. On top of everything you three love each other, support each other, & that’s something that pays off so well. You all have your strengths & you excel in them. You three make me proud, unconditionally.

I: Do you remember our road trips, how would you reminiscence them? What was the most cherished thing about those road trips? I’ve always enjoyed traveling with us five, listening to the music that was on your playlist, & you singing along was always the cherry on top.

Him: Oh! That is nostalgic. We’ve traveled a lot in our car or cars for that purpose as we kept on changing them. Every car has a memory & a travel history linked to it. They have served us well. Yes, those were memorable trips. Those songs, those times bring back so much bliss just by their thought. I liked traveling as a family. I wish I can now enjoy such trips with my kids, sons-in-law, & grandkids with the same old playlist.

I: I’ve always seen you content with whatever Allah has blessed you with. What is the reason behind this pure contentment? I wish seeing people with such level of gratification in them.

Him: Positive thinking. I always try to think positively even though I feel wronged sometimes, I never try to reciprocate the negative gesture with the same coin. I try to extend my help to everybody, even those who have wronged me.
Simplicity, a clear demarcation of wants & needs has helped me make my life comfortable, enjoyable, & most importantly fulfilled.

I: Your favorite writer or book of the time?

Him: I have a taste for books. My likeness for history has an edge here. My recent read is “Lost Islamic History” by Firas Alkhateeb.

I: How would you depict life and its colors? Are there any regrets from life or any unfinished task that you still want to complete?

Him: Life is what you make out of it. Surmise that all will be good, & good will come. There is nothing in my life to regret for, I’ve been a blessed one, but one thing I wish is I could have served my parents more. I always want to put more effort into philanthropy, it will always be incomplete because the quench of it increases as you age more & more.

I: Lastly, any piece of advice for the young fathers?

Him: Yes, definitely. I want to tell them that invest time in your children – quality time. Listen to them, hear them, encourage them, make them hardy, teach them how to accept a challenge, give them optimistic thinking regardless of their gender. Your children are your assets, invest smartly in them. Nothing beats good upbringing. At the end, it pays off exceptionally well.

Thank you so much Papa once again for sharing your wise words. I really enjoyed this conversation with you, there is always so much to learn from you. You’ve been always a man of mettle & have always showcased courage, patience, & determination. You’ve so much to offer from your intellect, wisdom, & knowledge. I pray for your health & longevity. A very HAPPY FATHER’S DAY to you!

Him: Thank you! Khush rahain, sukhi rahain (Stay happy & blessed), my prayers & love for you all. God Bless! A Happy Father’s Day to all.

Disclaimer

The views and opinions expressed on this blog are solely those of the original contributor & represent the contributor’s take on life & his experiences. They have been made publicly available for informational/guidance purpose only. All copyrights reserved.

~ QuratulAin Hamza