Child Rearing Beyond Pink & Blue

The hardest yet the most fulfilling, frustrating yet the most satisfying, challenging yet the most rewarding job in the world is good parenting. It could be a long flight you might ever board but you as a parent learn & re-learn a lot too as you go. Good parenting to me is raising a confident, compassionate, & complacent child who is independent, courageous, & everything that aids him in being a healthy & happy addition to society, irrespective of his gender.

Good parenting is a continuous struggle, juggling duties & responsibilities without losing yourself to this circus act. There is no harm in evaluating your parenting style, seeking ways of improvement, judging your strategies, & modifying your approach, accordingly. Don’t be a frog in the well that knows nothing of the great ocean. The time & space today is very divergent & dissimilar to when we were raised.

Authoritativeness against Authoritarianism

A self-reliant child with high self-esteem? Isn’t that your dream? This dream can only take its shape when the dictatorships are benign. Setting rules is a must but micromanaging them is not. Sometimes it’s good to know your limitations as a parent. Be an amalgam of nurturance & firmness. A child that listens and trusts rather than fearing you is my catch. Remember! You can’t get a square bread if you are using a rounded pan. Billions of dreams die every year, don’t let your dream be one of them.

Positive Discipline against Punitive Drilling

What good it would be if discipline is not made synonymous with punishment. It’s time you realize that for letting your child have a sound moral compass, discipline shouldn’t be a deterrent. You should never make your child pay for his undesirable behavior, rather enforce limits in a way that helps him in behaving well & staying in control in a non-punitive way. If your way of disciplining is inflicting pain or distress, then my friend, you are doing it all wrong.

Values against Troubled Co-existence

Your values should be your family identity. They could be anything from piety to virtue, sincerity to filial duty, industriousness to empathy. The more conscious you as a parent are of your values, the more likely it is that your child will absorb them & integrate them into his life. So, put your money where your mouth is. Transfer your values in a way that they bring happiness in his life & reward in the hereafter. How fulfilling it is to imagine your child reciprocating your love & care with gratitude, right?

Gender Parity against Gender Stereotypes 

Don’t let this parasite suckle anymore. It’s time you raise a generation that is empathetic irrespective of gender stereotypes & puts humanity above all. Make sure you are rearing your boys & girls right, where none suppresses none, where they both know their limits, their worth, & their rights. Don’t let him be that big fish living in a small pond.

Self-love against Narcissism 

Self-love is being satisfied, self-assured, & poised in your skin & it is totally healthy. Narcissism on the other side involves the need for reassurance & adoration all the time to feed one’s self-esteem & ego. Which way are you leading him?

Touching Horizons against Clipping Wings

Your child’s mission in life is to gain independence so let him. Don’t prepare a clipped wing generation. Let him fly away happily to face the storms and the torpedoes.

Safe Heaven against A Bandit Territory

Are you the protector of your child’s autonomy? Do you convey the message that you are always there for him, in his failures, in his struggles, & in his wins? Yes, let him know that you do not judge him, compare him, & you believe in him unreservedly. Your child should never feel frightened, repressed, or domineered in his safe spot that is you. It turns into hell in no time when parents start comparing their kids with each other. Next, it all becomes a bandit territory for him. Sometimes brushing things under the rug is cool.

Communication Precedency against Ineffective Communiqué 

This faux filtered world has unluckily hindered the ability to filter the good from the bad. So, before the outside world baits your child, you make your communication channel strong. Make your communication effective by propagating a feeling that your love is unconditional. Involve him in decision making, invite him to work on a solution with you, discuss consequences, & value his suggestions. Make your expectations & limitations clear, keep the channel of negotiation always open. Evaluate his problems with him. Read his body language. Be his best friend.

Realistic Imperfections against Unrealistic Expectations

Transfer thinking that perfection is unrealistic & remind him that being less than perfect is totally human. Never let him be a part of destructive competitions where physical appearance & grades overshadow his uniqueness.

Emotional Intelligence against Scanty Self-regulation 

Have you ever been in a situation where you lash out reactively without understanding what you are feeling or why you are so upset? It speaks of a lack of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is vital for both personal and professional success. A child becomes emotionally intelligent as a grown-up when he is allowed to express his emotions & is heard right from childhood. He would become more aware of the human psyche, emotions & sentiments. Let him self-regulate, examine, & evaluate himself. Let him bloom into an emotionally intelligent human.

Resiliency against Intransigence

Save your child from internalizing the message that he isn’t strong enough to handle challenges. When kids embrace risks, they learn to get up & go. Give your child a skill set that helps him overcome difficulty & distress while being resilient. Your child should never shut down in the face of dolor, but adapt well to adversity, trauma, threats, & significant sources of anxiety & uncertainty.

Logical Reasoning against Assertiveness 

Raise with love & logic. Explain, explain & explain. Children want & deserve explanations as much as adults do. Kids understand & learn in a nonjudgmental way if we take time to explain & reason with them. Otherwise, they might begin wondering about the basis of your values & decisions. We need to learn how to talk so kids will listen & listen so kids will talk.

Social Confidence against Social Anxiety

Treat your child the way you expect other people to treat you. Go for blameless confrontations, non-reverberation of weaknesses, praising & acknowledging efforts than grades, helping in rebounding from failures, preferring his choices, sharing responsibilities, not making a great deal about mistakes, & radiate love. Your child’s social confidence is directly proportional to how you treat him. Give him the respect that you crave for yourself.

You Are Impactful!

You know your kids always take cues from you, right? You are constantly under surveillance. Whatever side of your personality you would put on display, their brains will imprint that trait. Personally, whenever I try to react on the spur of the moment, I ask one question to myself ‘Is that how I want my child to behave?‘ Behavior is not instructional learning rather an observational one. We have to walk the walk, not just talk the talk. A parent’s relationship with his child will be reflected in the child’s actions. Your child will only learn to apologize if you will fess up when you will blow it. Children who break bad, usually have a role model for that at home. Your impact is really powerful! Know that!

CONCLUSIVELY….

Your relationship with your child is the foundation for his relationships with others. If you want respect, give respect. Be there mentally as well as physically for them. Often we end up being a helicopter parent hovering over their head 24/7. Let your child enjoy his expanding social horizons. Feed your bond of trust with love, belief, & confidence in your upbringing. As a parent, you’re responsible for guiding and amending your kids. But how you propel your corrective guidance makes all the difference in how a child collects it. Ask me! There is, indeed, no right way to raise a child & one parenting size doesn’t fit all either. Work Carefully!

SOW TODAY WHAT YOU WILL LOVE TO REAP TOMORROW!

Good Day!

~ QuratulAin Hamza